Monday, April 4, 2016

C is for Coconut Catastrophe

In the kingdom of Seltzershire, there is a coconut catastrophe.  Every few months or so one of the barons is assassinated, and the method of assassination is always the same.  The assassin puts chemical lime in a coconut and the baron drinks it all up, resulting in death.

Coconuts are one of the most prominent wares in the black market of Seltzershire.  Not native to the kingdom but prominent in the nations to the south, eating coconuts has become a huge fad among the nobility of Seltzershire in recent years.  The coconut trade is not strictly prohibited, but a trade contract between Seltzershire and the republic of Teeutterland requires all legal coconut imports to come from Teeutterland.  Unfortunately, the quality of Teeutterland's coconuts is alarmingly low.  Merchants consume a large quantity of Teeutterland coconuts, but the nobility purchase all of their coconuts on the black market.

This catastrophe has enflamed to such a degree that many members of the nobility have been forced to allow their food-and-beverage-tasters to drink the milk of their coconuts.  A new religion has sprung up within the community of these tasters dedicated to coconut milk.  Some barons consume the flesh of multiple coconuts per day, and so several in the taster community have been elevated to the status of demi-god within their religion.  Proponents believe that it is only through the drinking of coconut milk that one may earn salvation and that the great coconut god has compelled these assassins to kill with lime in coconuts because they do not deserve salvation.

Teeutterland has heard reports of this mysterious new religion.  Resulting investigations have broken open the black market of coconuts in Seltzershire.  Teeutterland has threatened war if these illicit coconuts do not cease flowing into the kingdom.  Fearing the end of their supply of "pure" coconut milk (as Teeutterland's coconuts are a disgrace to the coconut god), proponents of the coconut religion have formed into a small army of ferocious fighters, hidden in their masters' fortresses, awaiting the day Teeutterland invades so that they may spill blood in the name of their god.