Guest Story Editing Part 1

My cousin, Maren Shenal, asked if she could have a story that she'd written posted on my blog, with permission to edit it.  I accepted and decided to put some emphasis on the last point.  To keep the size of my posts at a reasonable length, the story will be broken into sections, with a section each Saturday.  Today's section is posted with the unedited version above the edited version.  Here we go...

        It was tough for the citizens in the Pumpkin Town of Sugary Treats...

        “Hi, whats your name?” asked Fluffy.

        “Hi, I'm Wiggles the Purple Fluffy Butterfly Vampire, but everybody just calls me Wiggles. What's your name?”

        “I'm Fluffy the Mystical Rainbow Unicorn of Darkness, but everyone just calls me Fluffy.”

        The 2 very different creatures soon created a tight friendship.

        Deep in the grasslands of a far-off land stood a rather queer town.  That town was named the Pumpkin Town of Sugary Treats.  The citizens of Pumpkin Town were all jolly fellows, quirky, but happy just the same.  However, they had some hardships too.  Now, these conflicts were small and almost always funny, and in the case of Fluffy and Wiggles the situation was both.
        "Hello, what's your name?" Fluffy asked, seeing a new boy on her way to school.  He was clearly a butterfly, although his sharp teeth were startling.  His coat of dense purple fur removed the fright.
        "Hello, I'm Wiggles.  What's your name?"  Wiggles had a similar reaction to Fluffy, whose long horse-like body was fitted with a large black horn.  Despite the horn, her hair sparkled with the colors of the rainbow, giving her a look of innocence.
        "My name is Fluffy.  It's nice to meet you," she replied.
         The two odd creatures became fast friends, and soon they were all but inseparable.