Thursday, November 14, 2013

Guest Story Editing Part 5 Explanation

Guest Story Editing Part 5 featured a single paragraph in both unedited and edited forms.  Check it out.

I tried a more poetic approach in the edit, although I went a little overboard.  "As the sun descended" should read "as the day wore on."  The third sentence would sound better as "Fluffy went back to Wiggles' house every day for a week, each time taking a single piece of taffy."  I like the mock-seriousness of my concluding sentence.

Can you think of a better version of this paragraph?

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